Stan’s never going to a football game again

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Okay guys, another football season is about to come to a close, and soon it will be time to pay attention to a few other things in life — such as spending Sundays with the wife and kids. Did your favorite team make it into the playoffs? Mine didn’t. Did you get to go to any games this season? Not me. In fact, I haven’t gone to a game in many years. I’d much prefer watching 22 men battle each other from the comfort of my living room. I stopped going for several reasons:

1. Being a New Yorker and going in the dead of winter — I find it too damn painful to sit outdoors in the cold and snow for three hours.

2. I’m a lot more comfortable watching it on the tube and listening to the broadcaster’s opinions and explanations along with replays.

3. With the seats we had, everyone around us stood up for every play. I got tired of getting up and down and up and down and up and down. I remember standing up and sitting down more times at a game than I did in my synagogue on the High Holy Days. I enjoy a game as much as the next guy — but only when I am watching it in the comfort of my home with pizza, chicken wings, and a liter of Diet Coke.

• • •

There is an electronic message marquee up the boulevard a short distance from my home. Sometimes, it shouts a religious rule. Other times, a thought of the day. Today there was a piece of advice that read, “Life is short. Eat dessert first.” I cannot argue with that.

• • •

I was in a record store the other week, looking to see if I could find anything new by Michael Buble that we don’t already have. It was pretty disappointing, because I did not find anything to make me happy.

I couldn’t help notice that there was a very large display of Elvis Presley merchandise — CDs, DVDs, and a lot of photos. The young man who attempted to help us said something about a milestone birthday and a very large sale of Elvis merchandise — more than he has ever seen in the two years he has worked there, even more than the Sinatra’s 100th birthday celebration. That I found hard to believe.

Not being an Elvis fan — and knowing that I already own a large collection of Sinatra music — I was disappointed and walked out with nothing. As we drove away, I thought about the extra-large sales of Elvis and Frank merchandise. Sinatra died in 1998. That’s pretty much modern history. Presley left us long before that. He passed away in 1977. That’s more like ancient history, and yet his records are still selling big time. I guess being dead has not interfered with his career.

• • •

Hillary’s e-mails have been in the headlines for a looong time. When it started, she claimed at a press conference that a part of the 30,000 she deleted were e-mails between her and her husband. Yeah! Right!

She was busted when he claimed that he never wrote more than two e-mails in his entire life. He said two — not 200 or 2,000. Two! Two e-mails instead of many thousands, and once again, we learn that the presumptive candidate for the presidency of the United States is, as we already knew, a liar.

I am asking, once again, will this e-mail business from the Lying Queen ever come to a head?

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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