Stan discovers Italy’s other major religion

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Lindsay Miller of Massachusetts showed up for her driver’s license photo with a large spaghetti strainer on her head. She was ordered to remove it for the photo, but she refused. She argued before the authorities that it was her First Amendment right to wear it, because she is a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.


After a strenuous presentation, they permitted her to have her license photo taken wearing a colander.

I know that you think that I am kidding about this, but I assure you, I am not. Google it, and you will find that Ms. Miller, a member of this particular church, is also known as a Pastafarian. No! I did not say Rastafarian — I said Pastafarian, and you can Google it as soon as you stop giggling.

• • •

As of this writing, Donald Trump is still leading the national polls. My barber shop is one place where I have always heard some of the best political debates.

“Sure he’s leading,” my barber said. “American voters are the world’s dumbest people.”

“That is absolutely, positively, 100 percent correct,” the guy in his chair said. “They elected Obama twice.”

My thoughts on that: I would never disagree with the man holding sharp scissors and a straight razor while he is giving me a haircut.

• • •

I love saving money. Who doesn’t? The people at American Airlines are repeating a special offer that they had for a limited time more than a year ago. If you take out a Citi Advantage Credit Card and spend $3,000 in three months, the airline will award you 50,000 miles. I did just that, and between my insurance bill, groceries, theater tickets, and restaurants, I found it easy to spend the $3,000.

A short time later, my roommate took one out. We used her card for our expenses, and it didn’t take long for us to spend another $3,000. Now we had 100,000 miles — plus 6,000 miles awarded for the $6,000 we spent between us. You may recall that I wrote about a two-week trip Idaho and Montana last spring. The airline tickets would have been $,1494.40, and we paid for those tickets with 66,000 frequent flier miles which we obtained via the Advantage credit cards. Starting with free airline tickets was a terrific way to go on vacation. Any questions?

• • •

British astronaut Tim Peaks was trying to telephone his family from space but accidently dialed the wrong number. When grandmother Betty Barker answered, she heard Peaks say “Hello. Is this Planet Earth?”

Thinking it was some drunk who was too plastered to dial the correct number, she said “No” and hung up on him. When she found out what happened, she was sorry. She said that it would have been nice to talk to a prestigious person like him. Realizing that we received a wrong number telephone call most of us just say “No!” and hang up. Not me. When a caller asks “Is this (718) 555–1234?,” I am telling you that I politely respond with “No, but hello anyway.”

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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