Stan has some questions for you

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Right now, before you read on and forget to do it, pick up a blank sheet of paper and a pencil and write down this web address:

This is the website to search for the unclaimed funds that you may have forgotten about — an old bank account, an insurance refund that went astray, some expired travelers checks from many years ago that are still at the bottom of your drawer, your inheritance from your great Uncle Meyer who passed away a decade ago — almost anything.

The law says that until you collect that money, the state controller will hold on to it. At this very moment, the fifty state controllers are holding on to millions and millions of dollars that belong to the folks that live here in the United States or their heirs — and they really want to give it to them. No kidding.

My roommate is one of the lucky ones. I found a large sum of money for her. I also found money for many friends and relatives. Just this morning, I found money for two relatives of a dear friend who works in the office of this newspaper. Nothing specifically for her so far, but they add new names at regular intervals, and she is so nice that I’m hoping I find a large sum of money for her next time.

By the way, if you did reside in another state, go to the website of the National Association of Unclaimed Property Administrators, and follow the simple directions. Let me know how you make out. I promise I won’t use your name in my column. Good luck.

• • •

The following are some questions that I jotted down waiting for my flight to be called.

Why is it called the World Series when only North American teams are competing?

Why is it called the Miss Universe Pageant when only earthlings are in it?

Is “How’s your day?” an appropriate question for Secretary of State John Kerry to ask the grieving mother of a fallen soldier at the funeral? Does anyone know what her response was?

Why is it taking so long to put the Boston Bomber on trial? The wheels of justice roll a bit too slowly to satisfy my friends from Massachusetts.

Have you noticed that most of the discount coupons we customers bring to the supermarket to save a dollar require that we buy TWO of the item? That stinks. Why would I want to buy two of the product when I am only interested in trying it for the first time?

Why are they called red onions when they are clearly purple?

Why do people take elevators way up to the observation deck of tall buildings and then put coins into the telescope machines to see things that are on the ground?

Is it my imagination or have the carts in the local supermarkets gotten bigger? I asked that question to one of the managers while I was shopping. He said that over the past 25 years the cart has doubled in size. That, of course, is to make us buy more.

Dear Hillary, if you are elected president will you bring back the dishes?

February 14th is almost here. Will you be buying her flowers or candy? My roommate will be getting both. According to Nielsen, Americans bought 127 million pounds of Valentine’s Day candy last year. Dentists and diet-plan companies all over America are still cheering.

I am wishing you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day.

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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