Carmine’s mad about the Mets’ loss!

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I’m madder than Al Delvecchio when he realized that the diner he was running was named for someone else and not him over the fact that my beloved Mets lost the World Series to a bunch of Kansas City Royals.

Look, you all know the ol’Screecher has been a true orange-and-blue Mets fan since the days they played in the Polo Grounds up on Coogan’s Bluff and were as lovable a bunch of losers that you’d ever meet.

But just because they were and are lovable losers doesn’t mean I fall in love with them all over again every time they lose, especially when they lose something as important to me as the World Series.

Of course, going in I didn’t think they had a chance, especially because they weren’t starting my favorite pitcher Bartolo Colon, who proved this year game in and game out that you don’t have to be an Adonis to pitch in the Major Leagues.

In fact, Colon looked like he should have been parking my trusty steed Tornado just off the mound whenever he came out from the dugout! And then, after he quickly recorded the third out, he should have hopped atop and rode back in!

In fact, I think it’s guys like Colon who will finally make baseball’s dugouts wheelchair accessible as they should be per the Americans with Disabilities Act!

Speaking of disabilities, I would now like to take the time to point out my worstest mistake of the year: buying a Volkswagen!

And I’m not talking about the toxic fumes these cars are spewing, because that is the least of my problems! I’m talking about my ability to open the door and giving good, hard-working Americans my key-making business!

Let’s start at the beginning, which is a good place to start. My lovely wife Sharon and I headed over to Ruan’s on 86th Street for lunch — which we always eat at whenever we pass it as long as there is a parking space in front of it!

So we’re inside enjoying our meal when the owner Jimmy comes over to tell us that our car is getting a ticket.

“But for what?!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, not knowing that the temporary registration on the windshield had expired on Oct. 15.

The nice officer came in and explained to us the situation, and let us off with a warning. We finished our wonderful meal and headed to the D.M.V. to get the new registration and, for good measure, a new set of keys just incase we lost the old ones.

The D.M.V. is also near the home to the keymaster who has made every key for me since the days I was driving my pals around in my mother’s DeSoto. But it turns out for my new ride, only Volkswagen can make another set, and it should take you about a week and cost you a lung and your wrist, depending on how fast they send it from Germany!

Stunned, I went into the D.M.V. got immediately seen, wrote a check for $3 (No. 169) and got my duplicate sticker and registration. Wow! The service was fantastic, the girl that took care of me was pretty as a picture and smart. I was buoyed by her pleasantness, things were looking up and we proceeded to get home before Tornado’s battery went kaput!

Well here’s another unbelievable tidbit to share, scooting up Stillwell Avenue on the commercial side, there are a lot of auto repair shops that clog the sidewalk. Searching for a curb cut to cross the six-lane street, I was blocked by a car backing into a shop. While waiting for it to maneuver in, I stood by another car and happened to see on the curb what looked like a blank check. Hanging on the car reaching from Tornado, I finally was able to pick it up and behold, it was my blank check — No. 170.

How it got there before me, I don’t know!

The last time I saw it, it was in my pocket at the D.M.V. a mile away. Hey, happy days are really here again!

Hey, did you notice in my column last week, we forgot to mention Investment banks “Santa” Tarah? It’s Gus Arniotes! Drop in to say hello at 8601 21st Ave. The bank is gorgeous!

Screech at you next week!

Read Carmine's screech every Saturday on E-mail him at
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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