Carmine has a blast at the combo Confirmation-Communion party!

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I’m madder than a bear who woke up from hibernation with the worst case of hunger pangs in his life, then realized he was still snowed in and couldn’t go out to get some berries over the fact that there was so much food at the Jericho Terrace cocktail hour during my grandkids’s double-header confirmation and communion super party last week that I didn’t get a chance to taste every last delicious thing!

Look, you all know that I attend more family gatherings than the whole lot of ya, and I like to make sure that I eat just as much, but how am I supposed to do that when a cocktail hour lasts a scant 60 minutes!

I’m talking, of course, about my grandkids’ big days — my youngest grandson Dean Christian’s Holy Communion party and my oldest grandson’s Jake Carl’s Holy Confirmation with his maternal grandfather Frank Augustine as his sponsor was truly a totally happy family celebration in Mineola!

Now, I know you couldn’t be there because you weren’t invited, but I gotta say I could not have been any prouder as I slammed back white Russians by the bar while watching the kids dance and listening to the music play.

I tell you, these here parties today are like spring break down the shore — sans the drugs!

And I can’t forget to mention that my grandsons have a gorgeous sister, my beautiful granddaughter Cassandra, whom my son Carl and daughter-in-law Lori are blessed with. And while Lori was hosting the multitude of duties overseeing this extravaganza, Carl was busy serenading and dancing with Cassandra!

At this point I must mention my lovely wife Sharon and I had never heard my son sing before — ever! Not even in the bathtub! And Cassandra was relishing every note!

I must mention that Lori and Carl were married at the Jericho Terrace and management went all out to satisfy their every and any whim.

So when I called to ask if it was handicapped-accessible because we were coming with Tornado and could their parking staff remove him and I from our Plymouth — as well as get us back in when we were leaving — Mr. Leone assured me that he would have Raphael and Raphael assigned to me to tend to my every need — and they’d even install a portable ramp if need be.

True to his word and his credit, someone accompanied us through a myriad of kitchens, elevators and passages so intricate that even the Google maps ticket would have been stumped!

Needless to say, everything was far above par and the adverb extraordinary still wouldn’t describe the elegance, sophistication, and opulence of the service lavishly rendered! I’m gonna go on the limb with this statement and say “I guess youse guys think we must have enjoyed our selves?”


Does a bear do its business in the woods?

Now with all of this magical mayhem going on, with every moment choreographed in Lori’s head, can you imagine the frustration she felt when no expense was spared to make this combo Communion-Confirmation celebration the best party ever; when the Balloon Lady was the absolute hit of the party?

Forget the tons of food and drinks consumed! Forget the elegant service with the white-gloved waiters and waitresses removing your plate, filling your glass, folding your napkin, bringing the next course. Forget the music and the DJ not only dancing, but leading line dance after line dance, even setting up a conga line, hully gully, electric slide — he had the energy of the hundred kids there.

I got exhausted just watching him.

Don’t know what they’re gonna plan for Cassandra’s Communion, Confirmation, Sweet 16 parties, but they better inform me as soon as they know, so I can start making room in my tummy for all the goodies.

Congratulations Lori and Carl for a most memorable, spectacular celebration. You set a precedence geared to bankrupt any parents trying to duplicate this party. Hard to believe you forgot to put bottles of brioche on each table.

Congratulations to Delores and Frank Augustine, the other set of proud grandparents who prove time and time again that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Congratulations and love to Dean! Congratulations and love to Jake, from Grandma Santa Maria and Grandpa Zorro and all your cousins, aunt, and uncles!

Screech at you next week!

Read Carmine's screech every Saturday on E-mail him at
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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