The push for the playoffs is on. The Cavaliers, Pacers, and Raptors have all come to the rusted roost lately and left with their feathers between their legs. And just earlier this week, the Trail Blazers came and went, and I remained unscathed. Thanks to a late January dusting, the local basketball team and the Portland Trail Blazers were forced to postpone a game until this past Monday. The Nets, in hot pursuit of cracking into the playoffs, emerged victorious and, perhaps more importantly, so did I.
Keyrock, Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer — I mean Robin Lopez — of mascot-bashing fame, didn’t want to step up to Crummy, pretending not to acknowledge my challenge from January. I even flew down from my perch with the boys in the rafters to get a pigeon’s-eye view of the other Big Lug. Just like his stat line — eight points, seven rebounds, two assists, and two blocks — there wasn’t much to see. The real life Sideshow Bob was more concerned about joking with his twin brother, Brook, the OG Big Lug, about comic books, green plastic army men, and junk food to make up for his team’s absence of one of its star players — LaMarcus Aldridge.
Me? I was strutting my stuff courtside. Slinging verbal barbs, spitting a mean game. I felt like an avian Spike Lee. What’s the correct bird term? Peacocking? A whooping crane? Doin’ the pigeon? Whatever it is, he didn’t want to see me. Or maybe he actually couldn’t. He is way up there, after all. And it is easy for a bird to get lost amongst the sea of chicks that sit on the sidelines.
I heard through the rumor mill he claimed responsibility for the demise of the BrooklyKnight, which, if true, has been the only redeeming thing he has done. But just because he opened up a position for me, doesn’t mean I won’t take him down. Crummy don’t play that.
And don’t think I missed Brook Lopez’s comments about wanting the BrooklyKnight back. I thought Brook and I had a good rapport. I don’t know why anyone would want that hack back, but the Big Lug’s comments won’t soon be forgotten. It is true what they say: pigeons never forget.
Speaking of Unfrozen Cavemen, Deron Williams everyone. Where has this guy been? Did he find the fountain of youth on a mission trip or something? Haven’t seen this guy since Utah. In back-to-back games last week, he scored 26 points to go along with seven assists and seven boards against the Knicks (Yeah, I know, those Knicks) and followed that performance by dropping 31 points and distributing 11 assists in impressive win over the Toronto Raptors. Remember when everyone debated Chris Paul or Deron Williams? If that debate were to ever legitimately resurface, the Nets could really have something here. Until then, Brooklynites just hope he has enough gas in the tank to lead the team to the playoffs where it can get spanked by the Lebron Jameses.
The Nets’ destiny is in the players’ hands with just a few more games against other playoff contenders. If they need me to start a beef with Marcin Gortat, Giannis Antetokounmpo, or Joakim Noah to get morale up, I’d gladly oblige.
By the way, can you throw me some of that popcorn? Don’t worry, I’ll eat it off the floor.