The plane truth: Stan hits the airwaves

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I’ve been doing a lot of flying lately so let’s talk airlines

Even though the ticket you bought was the least expensive, non-refundable, and you believe that in the event of an emergency you are stuck with it, it is only my opinion, but I do believe that most airlines are pretty compassionate. If your letter includes a copy of a death certificate or a hospital record explaining a medical crisis, there is a pretty good chance that the company will do something for you. It worked for me.

I am a dog lover, but I get annoyed at the people who absolutely must fly with their dogs. They take them aboard in a carrier and frequently let them roam loose causing those with allergies to sneeze and cough. The lady next to me complained bitterly in between sneezes. I recall a story a while back about a woman aboard a U.S.Airways flight who let Rex loose. A passenger and a flight attendant were bitten and the pilot, obviously sensing more danger, cut the flight short by landing at the nearest airport. The nasty pup caused great delays to everyone aboard.

So most of the folks online gripe about how slow the Transportation Safety Administration agents are. You might want to know that according to a recent study by Duke University, the agents at American airports may be slow, but they are very accurate when it comes to discovering weapons and explosives. I don’t care how long they take, as long as they keep us safe.

In an attempt to install four more seats in economy class, Delta will be making the toilets aboard its Boeing 737-900 airplanes a bit smaller. The company says that passengers will not notice the difference because the extra needed space will be carved out from the wasted space behind the sinks and from the unused area from the back of the washroom wall. Do you believe that? Ever since they ignored my complaint about that smelly 300-pound sus scrofa practically sitting on me, I don’t believe anything that Delta says. Delta is my least-favorite airline.

More than 2 million people fly in the United States each day, and yet since 1980, only three people have died as a direct result of turbulence. Of those fatalities, two passengers weren’t wearing their seat belts. During that same time period, the Federal Aviation Administration recorded just more than 300 serious injuries from turbulence, and more than two-thirds of the victims were flight attendants. What do these numbers mean? As long as your seat belt is on, you’re more likely to be injured by falling luggage than by choppy air.

If you are more than 75 and look it, you can wear your shoes and a light jacket while passing through the checkpoints in Florida. Does that mean at age 75 a man is not allowed to be a terrorist? I am telling the world that age has certain privileges.

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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