A little of this, and a little of that

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The following is an assortment of this and that:

Filling in at a White House event while the president was in Asia, Vice President Joe Biden said “The United States should have a hospital capable of treating Ebola in every state of the union. Great idea Mr. Veep, but I have a better one. Why not prevent the infected passengers from coming to the United States in the first place by doing what other countries do? Get them to a local hospital – quarantine them and treat them before they even get on an airplane.

I am not an Obama fan but I do pray for his good health. If something was to happen to him, look who becomes president. No! No! No!

• • •

Great bumper sticker: “Real heroes don’t wear capes — they wear dog tags.”

Does anyone over age 12 disagree?

• • •

I love pizza. So do most of my friends and family, and I am reminded of that fact at least once every hour. No matter what TV show I am watching, there is a commercial for one of the national chains – Pizza Hut, Father John’s, Domino’s, Little Caeser’s, etc.

There is an article on the Internet about the fifty best pizzerias, one in each of the fifty states. Interesting to note that none — I repeat, none — of the national chains made it on the list. Don’t you just wonder why?

• • •

Was Michelle Obama being a racist when she urged African-Americans to vote for Democrats and “… be rewarded with some fried chicken?”

Naaah! I don’t think so. I showed the article to my Jewish friends and I urged them to vote Republican and reward themselves with bagels and lox. Most of them probably didn’t, but they did show up for what we call, “bagels and b-------.”

• • •

Are singers Carol Lawrence and Steve Lawrence related? Nope. They’re both singers, but her name is Laraia. His is Leibowitz. They don’t even belong to the same Parrish.

• • •

It is necessary to launch one and a half tons of water per person into space every year to sustain the six astronauts working aboard the International Space Station. The annual cost for this operation is a whopping six billion bucks a year. Think about that the next time you complain about your water bill.

• • •

There’s some buzzing around Washington about making the Internet a utility. Yes, a utility like the telephone, water, natural gas, and electricity.

Okay, the first thing we need is an architect like Jonathan Gruber to create the plans and lie to us by telling the world how wonderful it will be for the economy. Right! More overpaid and underworked government employees sitting around drinking coffee and piling up perks.

Then, of course, we who use the Internet will have to pay a tax … but don’t worry. That tax will be very small … maybe a penny for a small amount of usage. That’s the way all taxes start: a very small amount that you’ll hardly feel. When it has to be increased, again by a very small amount. After enough very small amounts, we will be paying a very large number of dollars.

Do we really want the Internet to be a utility? Do we really need the Internet to be a utility?

I am saying that, in my opinion, the Internet is just fine the way it is.

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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