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I’m madder than an anaconda chewing on a human being in a digestion-proof suit over the fact that my lovely wife Sharon has such a thin skin, she can cut herself with a spoon.

Look, I’ve told you before about my bride has been to see the top dermatologist money could buy to figure out why her paper-thin skin is susceptible to paper cuts, and now I’m going to tell you again.

Calamity Jane has nothing on her — the undisputed queen of bad breaks; and after the latest quack once again told us there was nothing we could do about her spot bleeding and sent us packing, I did the only thing I could to help her take her mind off the problem — I suggested we go shopping for a winter jacket with Tornado at the Staten Island Mall, where she likes to buzz from rack to rack like a bee gathering nectar. Of course, in my case, she’s pollinating Macy’s, JC Penney’s, and Sears’ cash registers. Does anyone use cash anymore to shop?

Any who, she was eyeing herself in a leather jacket with a fur collar in a mirror when Tornado and I heard a shriek so loud, it made my trusty steed buck, almost throwing me off!

“Oh no!” I thought to myself. “She hurt herself again!”

Apparently, as she was trying on the jacket, the tag by the neck nicked, gashing her skin and causing the blood to spill out.

Folks, I don’t need to tell you what happens whenever I spot blood (especially my own precious kind) but just seeing the red had me seeing red, but I was too afraid to do anything.

Thankfully, Sharon is quick to apply first aid the minute her skin breaks, thanks to the fact that it happens all the time. In fact, she’s gotten it down to a science. She took a tissue and applied direct pressure on the cut to stop the bleeding. Then, with her other hand, she searched her pocketbook for a Band- Aid brand plastic skin adhesive. With the same hand she tore off the Band-Aid wrapper and applied it to the cut. Voila, like Florence Nightingale, she took care of her wound. Not until she tried to remove the bandage with her skin still attached to it, did we hear another scream that has Tornado bucking in the air with fear.

I won’t belabor this episode any longer, but she didn’t buy the jacket and she’s still bleeding.

Now, just to show you I’m up with the goings on on a national level, let’s talk politics.

This past week was an hysterical blow to President Obama, and a very happy week for the Republican. But rather than bore you with additional rhetoric that gushed from anyone with a microphone and a Bell & Howell projector, I’ll paraphrase the theme to “Sweet Charity”: “There’s gotta be something better than this!”

Apparently, the majority of voters not only agreed, but took the necessary action! But enough about politics.

Now, on to local news.

I’m sad to report the tragic loss of Glenn Parkman, a real estate guy and an owner of the Heights Cafe on Montague Street in Brooklyn Heights. He was 52, and died of stomach cancer.

And by “report,” I mean cut and paste the thing I read from his company, announcing his death. Here’s what Cusman & Wakefield, where Markman spent the last 12 years of his 28-year career in real estate, wrote:

Glenn negotiated leases on behalf of Spike Lee and the Brooklyn Nets and became one of the industry’s leading advocates for Brooklyn’s growth.

“Glenn distinguished himself through his work ethic, integrity, and passion. We’re all very proud that he was part of our team and our deepest sympathies go out to his family and loved ones,” said Cushman & Wakefield head Ed Forst.

“The Brooklyn native was a heavyweight deal-maker throughout Brooklyn. He helped relocate the Brooklyn Nets’ offices to 15 Metro Tech Center in Downtown Brooklyn, and negotiated the creation of a new, $45-million Nets training center in Sunset Park’s Industry City.

“In Manhattan, one of his most notable deals was the NBA’s 35,000-square-foot lease for a store at 666 Fifth Ave.

“Bruce Ratner, chairman of Forest City Ratner Companies, said when he met Markman 25 years ago, the two were drawn together by a shared vision of Brooklyn.

“ ‘Most people had written the borough off, but Glenn, who was born and raised on its streets, was that rare and passionate believer who felt drawn to act,’ Ratner said in a statement.

“ ‘He got Brooklyn before Brooklyn was cool.’ said Bill Rudin, CEO of Rudin Management. ‘Glenn understood like few others the dynamism and vibrancy of New York City. In addition to real estate, Markman helped launched BKLYN1834, an art incubator, and opened Heights Café in Brooklyn Heights as well as Dellarocco’s Authentic Neapolitan Pizzeria.

“He is survived by his wife, Jan Testori-Markman, his son Clio and his daughter Edie Ray, as well as his parents Marty and Karen Markman, his brother Greg Markman, and sister-in-law Margaret and their children, Nick, Andrew and Joey, his mother- and father-in-law Christine and Edward Testori, and his brother- and sister-in-law Jay and Susan Testori and their children Gina, Julia, Scott and Amber.”

Rest in Peace, Glenn. Few will ever match your accomplishments and the good you’ve done for us all.

Screech at you next week!

Read Carmine's screech every Sunday on BrooklynPaper.com. E-mail him at diegovega@aol.com.
Updated 10:17 pm, July 9, 2018
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