Tips for a prosperous New Year

There’s a reason Stan has herring on his breath

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We continue this week with more of the mixture from the scraps of paper in my pockets.

The year is barely three weeks old and many of us have already broken most of our New Year resolutions. Did you? Which one?

We finally got around to seeing “The Book of Mormon.” I have a bit of advice to those of you that intend to see the show. Get a copy of the CD and listen to it several times before you buy the tickets. I did, and I am certain that I understood and enjoyed “Book” a lot more than my friends who didn’t. It really is a super-sensational spectacle.

Carol and I visited India a few months ago, and besides riding elephants and seeing the Taj Mahal, we learned a few things. Many farmers in India are spraying their crops with Coca-Cola. It is cheaper and they say it works just as well.

The Taj, one of the Seven Wonders of the World, is the most magnificent man-made structure on the planet. It was built as a memorial to the Shah’s favorite wife who died during childbirth. This marvelous structure was so expensive, that it actually broke the nation financially. For overspending, his son, heir to his throne, had him arrested and placed under house detention in a nearby fort where he spent the rest of his life gazing at the monument.

Last week, I mentioned the three big lies told to us by Presidents of the United States

When Clinton said “I did NOT have sex…” he hurt his wife and his party by shooting himself in the leg. Nixon embarrassed himself, his family and his party when he lied “I am not a crook.” Other than that, there really was no great harm to us Americans.

Now, Obama and his lies have proven costly to many Americans. I don’t like his “distribution of wealth.” I worked damn hard to get where I am.

Who really cares about the name of the football team in Washington? The owners don’t care as long as they receive their television money and the fans fill the stands. The players don’t care as long as they receive their paychecks. Even the Native Americans who were interviewed on television don’t really care. The people who say the name is insulting don’t even watch the sport.

As of right now, the New Year has been very lucrative for me and it is because of an accurate scientific fact. Many years ago, Carol’s mother told us that if we want to have a prosperous year, it is imperative that we eat herring on New Year’s Eve. No, I’m not kidding.

Google it.

So on Dec. 31, I opened a jar of pickled herring and we ate it half way down. The heartburn was well worth it.

My friend Wayne is not doing as well as me.

“Did you remember to eat herring?” I asked.

“No, I didn’t.” I am saying “Seeeee?”

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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