Carmine gets all existential on us

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I’m madder than Friar Tuck two minutes after last call at the Sherwood Forest Publick House over the fact that some out there don’t believe in the big man upstairs, and when I say the big man, I don’t mean me (even though, in my dreams, I picture us looking alike).

Look, you all know that the ol’Screecher wasn’t necessarily ecstatic every Sunday morning when my sainted mother dragged me kicking and screaming to church back when it the priests only spoke Latin, but I gotta tell you that some of those thing those guys back in Little Italy said sunk in, especially the stuff about me being forgiven every week for eating a tinge too much, not to mention my double dipping of the wafer (Listen, folks, some may say I’m a bit gluttonous, but to them I say that I am simply preserving the temple that God gave me).

Still, I’m not going to lie to you and say I get up early Sunday morning, take one of my patented bath-showers, and head off to the Church of the Most Precious Blood on Bay 46th Street to meet with my fellow parishoners for coffee and donuts and discussions about my own precious blood (and in case your wondering, my cholesterol is in check!).

But that doesn’t mean I don’t get upset when I can’t get inside the church of my youth because the handicap door is locked tight!

Of course, I’m at an age when the I head to church a lot, mostly because one of my old-time friends checked in to a new home in the sky.

And I don’t want no un-believer preaching to me that the only place I’ll go when the time comes is asleep forever, because I plan on meeting St. Peter, or whomever is on duty at the pearly gates when the time comes, and hearing them say “Carmine, it’s good to see you. Welcome. Your sainted mother is, as you expected, on Cloud Nine.”

But enough about the inevitable.

At one of my most recent funerals, I found out about the hard work of Ann Marie Messina-Walsh, the founder of Onora, the Italian Ministry of Most Precious Blood Church.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Carmine, we can’t even pronounce Onora, so what the heck are you talking about?

Well, it’s a parish-based ministry designed to reach out to the Italian community to celebrate our rich heritage of family, faith, culture, and to mobilize parishioners for community service. It’s goal is to reinvigorate the Italian community in Brooklyn — the ones that didn’t make the mistake of moving to Staten Island — by sponsoring social activities, educational events, and outreach projects to help those in need.

So now I still know what you are thinking: “Carmine, I’m not Italian, not do I play one on television. And as stated before, I cannot pronounce that word. Can I get involved anyway?”

Of course you can! Onora is open to everyone who would like to learn about and celebrate the Italian influence on the Church and our world.

All you have to do is come to one of the meetings at the Faith Formation Center or, if you are interested and can’t make the meetings but really want to be involved, call Anna Maria. Send me an e-mail at, and I’ll get you her info.

Here’s what Anna Marie and her cadre of angels put together:

• A 13-week novena in honor of St. Anthony on Tuesday evenings in English and Italian Rosary.

• The St. Anthony’s Dinner and Dance on June 7.

I was there with my old boss Bill Colton and his new chief of staff Susan Zhueng. The food was fantastic. There was a delicious surprising non-fattening desert there was a special appearance by little 10 year old Diana Paunetto, whose high notes and beautiful voice reverberated through the Father Termine Center leaving everyone totally astonished at her talented voice that belongs performing at the Metropolitan Opera or LaScala.

All of this thanks to Anna Maria, so a big Screecher thaks to you. You make the impossible happen!

Screech at you next week.

Read Carmine's screech every Sunday on E-mail him at
Updated 10:17 pm, July 9, 2018
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Reasonable discourse

Jim from Cobble Hill says:
Yep... Carmie does seem stupid enough to believe that there's a magical man in the sky, who put every atom in the Horse Head Nebula exactly where it is, and who will torture you forever after you're dead if you don't believe in him because a rib-woman was tricked into eating a magical fruit by a talking snake.

And this is so full of errors... "back when it the priests only spoke Latin" and "Carmine, I’m not Italian, not do I play one on television" what the fucck? Did a 5th grader write this?
June 22, 2014, 11:53 am
SwampYankee from ruined Brooklyn says:
CARMINE SANTA have been beating this dumb ass "Carmine" putt putt motorized wheel chair joke for years. NOBODY CARES!!!!! YOUR EMPLOYER PUT YOUR SORRY ASS UP FOR SALE!!!! FAUX NEWS GAVE YOU UP. THEY WILL SELL THIS PAPER AND YOU WILL BE OUT OF A JOB. DO YOU KNOW WHY? NO, I SUPPOSE YOU DON'T. BECAUSE EVERY SUNDAY YOU WANTED TO DO A FARTING CARMINE WHEELCHAIR JOKE AND NOBODY CARED!!!!!! time to pay the piper scumbag because you are out of work. CARMINE!!!!!!! FARTING WHEELCHAIR!!!!!!!! FUNNY TO ME!!!!! but no one else. ha ha
June 22, 2014, 6:31 pm
Carmine from Bensonhurst says:

What makes you think these columns are supposed to be funny? They are dead serious.

See you next week,

June 22, 2014, 8:33 pm
Ed from Bay Ridge says:
So this is now a religion column?
June 22, 2014, 11:17 pm
John Wasserman from Prospect Heights says:
I hate to be the one to say this, but something here just doesn't seem right.
Pardon the interruption.
June 23, 2014, 12:31 pm

Comments closed.

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