Torst: Bill Roundy’s cartoon review

Where’s the line between boozy perfection and beer pretension?

for The Brooklyn Paper
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Torst [615 Manhattan Ave. between Nassau and Driggs avenues in Greenpoint, (718) 389–6034.]. Open Sun.–Wed., noon–midnight; Thu.–Sat., noon–4 am.

Updated 10:10 pm, July 9, 2018
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Reasonable discourse

SwampYankee from runined Brooklyn says:
I can help here. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale is an excellent beer with hints of grapefruit and pine with a slightly bitter finish. It really really good, particularly in the warm weather. It can easily be found for about $20 bucks for a 12 pack. That breaks down to about .14 cents per ounce retail. The bar above, is serving beer at $6 dollars for 8 ounce which is about .75 cents per ounce. Even assuming they buy at retail prices the bar above is marking up the product by 500%. Hey, you have to make a living but that quite a mark up. Beer snobbery me thinks, but one look at the pretentious asshat bartender should have told you that
April 12, 2013, 7:37 am
Mike from Williamsburg says:
Torst: An excellent bar to go to if you want to avoid SwampYankee.
April 12, 2013, 8:06 am
T-Bone from DoBro says:
SwampYankee can count. Yes, you are correct. The industry standard pour cost for booze is usually around 20%, or as you put it a 500% markup. Except, I think they are pouring stuff that costs more than Sierra Nevada. So, it's about right. It does look a little pretentious, but I think that's what they are going for. Can we expect to see you there wearing a snow cap indoors :)
April 12, 2013, 9:20 am
"Interloper" from Kent Ave says:
I'll pay extra to hang out in places that people like SwampYankee can't afford. Just sayin'...
April 12, 2013, 11:07 am
T-Bone from DoBro says:
Did you forget, Interloper, Swampy is the only person here who owns property - parentally funded since the dinosaurs. He also makes beaucoup bucks as a useless city worker - all paid for by you and me! We need to know our place in the pecking order.
April 12, 2013, 11:42 am
common sense from bay ridge says:
$6 for an 8oz beer? Wake me up when they have happy hour.
April 12, 2013, 11:57 am
"Interloper" from Kent Ave says:
Hey T-Bone I have a plan if you want to go in on this with me.

I spoke with some buddies of mine who happen to be real estate developers. I'm providing the financing and we're buying up all the land around Swampy's 4th floor walkup that his grandma pays the mortgage on and we're and converting it into luxury highrises. The ground floors will be zoned commercial. I'm thinking artisinal coffee shops, organic vegetable co-ops and pretty much anything else he hates. While we can't make him leave we can make his life miserable. Want to get in on the seed round of financing you let me know!?
April 12, 2013, 12:43 pm
T-Bone from DoBro says:
That sounds great, Interloper. I can always open that steampunk bicycle shop that I've been planning. Maybe we can serve handcrafted beer there too.

Bet, let's cue the part where Swampy comes in to tell us that his house is a separate, single-family dwelling with the mortgage paid off since 1754 and a Humvee in the driveway... Like YAH!
April 12, 2013, 1:10 pm
diehipster from Piledriving Parkers says:
I find it fascinating and extremely entertaining to see how easy it is to part the hips and yups from their parental funds. These people simply over pay for everyfugginthing. Beer, rent, water, coffee, food, etc.

I swear, if I melted down bars of Ivory soap, mixed them with kale and Mast bro. chocolate and resold them on Bedford ave or some "up and coming" street in Nieuw Bozwik, I'd be a millionaire - providing hipsters began to bathe regularly.
April 12, 2013, 1:33 pm
John Wasserman from Windsor Terrace says:
I'm praying to myself, as I type this message, that I won't be perceived as some sort of "trouble maker" after I say what needs to be said regarding this article. Apparently nobody else will say it, but I will: I've been asking around about the word "desciptions", and people just seemed to laugh at me. Then, I "googled" the word and the search motor kept directing me to a different word-A word that actually makes more sense in the context of the article. Pardon the interruption.
April 12, 2013, 2:50 pm
"Interloper" from Kent Ave says:
Just because I make more money than you diehipster doesn't add any validity to your theory that people like myself have their parents helping out. I got a reputable university education from my parents, my parents got a new car last year from me. Seems to workout. You wouldn't know anything about that though as ASA, Devry and Boricua don't count as being a college / university.
April 12, 2013, 4:57 pm
Pat I from 70's Brooklyn says:
If the beers are from micro-breweries and/or ship in from overseas, they may be pricey due to the lack of a serious distribution network due to their limited quantity.

Anyone here ever been to a baseball or football game? I've seen guys get tanked on water down beers that cost 6-10 bucks a piece. When you view this joint's prices maybe it's not so bad. I doubt anyone will be getting tanked on the ballpark prices they're charging.

OTOH - given the location and clientele we can pretty much assume that the PT Barnum effect is in full swing. Just because something is expensive and made in small quantities doesn't mean it's good or best case - worth the "Wheel of Fortune" prices this bar is paying for it's product.

And that's were the bartender (beerologist? Hopmeister?) comes in. he has to describe the beer..sell the product. And it's not about the product. It's about the back story.

When the bartender starts spinning yarns about how the ale he's shilling came from the only GLBT orphanage in Yakima, made with hops hand harvested under a full moon by trappist drag queens, anointed with the tears of convent virgins and has notes of Peruvian lavender, kumquat and nut sack, then the sky's the limit.

The demographic of this bar's patrons thrive on information. It's their "bling" - how they show off. So when they pop open a Yakima Sphincter IPA, they can show off and utter the same spiel given to him by the bartender.

And when Zack says, "can't you taste the hints of bacon and fermented bean curd?" everyone will nod yes because they don't want to appear unsophisticated to their peers. But god bless the one to call bullsh*t and say "it's beer for f**ck's sake"

As my old manager used to say: Facts are facts but perception is the reality.

Yeah I know. Bring on the hate.
April 12, 2013, 8:34 pm
Jack from Windsor Terrace says:
Hey, Interloper, thank for educating all of us on what counts as "real" college. What a smug a spoiled jackass, you are.
April 13, 2013, 10:03 am
old time brooklyn from slope says:
ditto that jack.

didn't cost me a dime to get my degree the way financial aid was structured - came out ahead.
April 14, 2013, 9:08 am
old time brooklyn from slope says:
ditto that jack.

didn't cost me a dime to get my degree the way financial aid was structured - came out ahead.
April 14, 2013, 9:08 am
SwampYankee from runined Brooklyn says:
I guess a degree in basket weavers of the pacific rim from a " reputable university education" is OK for a hipster. Thanks but I'll keep my engineering degree from a "prestigious" university. Sorry I just can't be the guy in the wife-beater you so want me to be.
April 14, 2013, 10:59 am
danny from greenpoint says:
this place blows !!
April 14, 2013, 9:19 pm

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