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Stan loves tattoos — on circus freaks!

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I end all my columns with my e-mail address so that readers can reach me. They’ll send me a great joke, political commentary, or, sometimes, they call me unkind names.

Longtime reader, Joan Applepie, e-mailed me a set of old Brooklyn photos. Well, “Old Stanley” got a kick out of looking back at the town in which he spent most of his life. I found one particular photo of a tattooed lady fascinating.

Way back when, we went to a carnival or the circus sideshow and looked with amazement at a woman with pictures all over her skin. These days, all we have to do to see that is take a walk along the Boardwalk in Brighton Beach.

Young people are very busy mutilating their bodies. Loads of tattoos are bad enough, but when they pierce their flesh — all over their bodies — I get kind of sick. Really. Just looking at the waitress the other morning made me queasy. She had rings through her nostrils and cheeks, and sticks resembling sewing needles through her eyebrows. When she spoke and revealed a silver ball through her tongue I became very nauseous and walked out before ordering breakfast.

Do you believe they call that crap jewelry? To me, jewelry is a three-carat diamond ring or an 18-karat-gold bracelet — not a hoop, wet with mucous, hanging from a nostril.

I know that if and when she gets tired or bored or just want to hide that silver ball from mommy, she can remove it, but what about the tattoos? SO to all the kids reading me out there, let me give you some advice: before visiting the artist’s lair, there are several questions you must ask yourself. Do I really want that large design on my body or should I just settle for a dainty rose hidden somewhere? How much does it cost to put on and, more importantly, how much will it cost to remove them? (Trust me on that one).

Depending on the size, quality, number of colors and the amount of time it takes to apply that permanent picture on your skin, you could pay $1,000. So make sure you really want it because not only is the laser removal process painful, it can cost you several thousand dollars, plus many weeks of treatment, to get rid of.

I just read something on the Internet that says “About 50 percent of those who get tattoos later regret them.”

So think about that.

• • •

Here’s a European secret for your next cocktail party. You may serve a very cheap wine if you first serve a sharp cheese. The taste of the cheese makes it difficult to differentiate between expensive Bordeaux and the vintage made at 10 am this morning.

• • •

The headline of a story on the business channel shouted “GREEK DEBT FEARS PUMMEL WALL STREET; DOW SLIDES 120.”

I love Greece. I asked my neighbor, Dimitra, a citizen of Greece who spends a lot of time here, “How did such a wonderful country get into this mess?”

I’m sure that there are many reasons, but she did tell me that one-third of the working population are government employees. They are overpaid, receive wonderful benefits and have very generous pensions.

Why does that sound so familiar?

Is that what we have to look forward to Mr. Raisman?

• • •

At sundown on Friday, Jews all over the world begin the observance of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. I am StanGershbein@Bellsouth.net wishing all a very happy, healthy and peaceful New Year.

Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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