Stan’s cost-saving measures: cut back funds to the National Institute of Health

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This year, the National Institute of Health will receive $37.8 billion — that’s “billion” with a capitol “b” — from the government. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that it does some great work, it also goes out of its way to use up all of the allotted funds on some pretty stupid projects.

Do we really have to spend $181,406 on a grant to study the sexual behavior of coked-up Japanese quail? Huh, Mr. Raisman? How about the $442,340 to study the behavior of male prostitutes in Vietnam?

Now, Mr. R,, here’s my very favorite: the NIH has forked over $423,500 to find out why young heterosexual adult males do not like to use condoms. That has got to be the dumbest waste of our money yet! All you have to do is take six members of the local high school football team out to McDonalds for lunch. Thirty bucks worth of Big Macs and fries will yield the same results as that supersized study.

• • •

Another speech? That translates to another wasted evening. Please excuse me while I hop over to Redbox and pick up a couple of flicks.

• • •

Regular readers know that I am a Tea Party supporter. I have no problem with Maxine Waters saying that I, as a Tea Party enthusiast, should go straight to hell. I really don’t know where I will wind up when my life is over. I am certain that if I do go straight to hell, I am absolutely positive that she will be there to greet me.

I also don’t really care that Jimmy Hoffa Jr. called us sons of bees, or that so many others on the left call us racists, Nazis, thugs, and terrorists.

Then, while watching the liberal cable news stations, we’re told that we are unimportant, trivial, inconsequential, and insignificant.

“Don’t pay so much attention to them,” they say

If we are so irrelevant, why do so many important left-wing talking heads spend valuable air time discussing us? Could it be that we are so vital that they are truly frightened to death of us? We will find out the answer to that question in 14 months.

• • •

The left loves to call us thugs, so try this experiment at your next cocktail party, coffee break or even on the street: ask “Without thinking about it, what pops into your mind when I mention the word ‘thugs?’ ”

I quietly asked that question to 10 people. Two said “gangsters,” one said “crooks,” one said “Wisconsin schoolteac­hers,” two said “thieves,” and two responded with “union goons.”

Ya hear that Jimmy Jr.?

I know that’s not 10, but there were two responses with words that my editor, fine gentleman that he is, would never permit me to use in this column.

• • •

“For security purposes please remove all hats, hoods and sunglasses before entering this branch.”

That’s the new sign on the door of my local bank. I’ve read about these notices but that’s the first time I’ve ever seen one.

“Does it work?” I asked the pretty gal at the front desk.

“So far it does,” she answered. “We haven’t been held up yet.”

I am shouting STOP!

Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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