Top teams roll in Kickball playoffs

The Brooklyn Paper
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Kickball’s top eight teams are breezing through the playoffs.

The top-seeded John Cougar Mellencamps, second-seeded New Frontiersmen, and third-seeded Mathletes, along with the Pony Boys, Never Scared, Brooklyn United, and American Blood finished the second round of playoffs without a loss.

Last year’s champions, the Mellencamps, downed Salute Your Jorts and took out the SugarTits!, while the Pony Boys slammed Ramrod, 8–1, and drained Booze on First, 13–3, thanks to three in-the-park home runs by infielder Matt “Iron Mike” Tyson.

“We’re off to a fiery start,” said Pony Boys third baseman Priest “Deliverance” Fontaine. “We have a mastery of the small ball and deep ball — we’re all about the balls. There’s no stopping us.”

The New Frontiersmen pummelled the Pirates, 6–2, and shut out the Kikiables, 6–0, and American Blood boasted some impressive wins, defeating Baywatch, 18–8, and upending the feisty Bacon Bits, 7–6.

And for one weekend, it all added up for the Mathletes, who dominated the Kikiables, 10–0, and conquered the Pirates, 10–1.

In perhaps the toughest fought game of the weekend, a short-handed Never Scared edged Ramrod, 2-0, breaking a scoreless game in the top of the fifth with two runs following a costly Ramrod throwing error.

“Ramrod came so close — it kills me on the inside,” said League Commissioner Kevin “Commish” Dailey. “They couldn’t score any runs either, so what are you going to do?”

No teams that advanced past for first round of postseason finished the weekend with a winning record, severely diminishing their chances to advance to the finals.

In a playoff change, Dailey divided the league’s 16 remaining teams into two divisions which will play each other in a round robin format for the next three weeks.

The top two teams will advance to the finals, which will be played on Oct. 2. There are no semifinals, no wild cards or mercy wins — it’s an old-school baseball pennant race and the teams with the best records will print their finals ticket.

If this weekend lacked drama, next weekend will be filled with high stakes matchups.

The Mellencamps will be out for American Blood — a crucial game for two teams that made the semifinals last year. And People’s Court, which finished the weekend, 2–1, will get a shot at inching up in its division against rivals Brooklyn United.

And the New Frontiersmen will test their mettle against an underrated Never Scared team who has embodied September’s postseason mantra: survive and advance.

But kickball aficionados are rooting for the underdogs.

“I’m rooting for the Mathletes first because I have friends on the Mathletes,” said Hot Messer Ashley Terrill. “The Mellencamps always win.”

Updated 5:26 pm, July 9, 2018
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Reasonable discourse

SwampYankee from ruined Brooklyn says:
If you ever wanted to know what people born in Brooklyn hate transplant hipsters the article and picture above are the only explanation you will ever need. Kickball, the sport of dorks that got wedgies in school and are now trying to make up for it. They all sit to pee.
Sept. 20, 2011, 6:57 am
Really from Greenpoint says:
Could the Brooklyn Paper maybe cover relevant things like the trash problem Williamsburg and Greenpoint have over the weekend? Or maybe the giant rats that have taken over our backyard?
Who gives a hoot about kickball?
Sept. 20, 2011, 2:19 pm
Entitled Dbag from Cooler than all of you says:
Could the Brooklyn Paper cover relevant things like stuff I personally want to read about. Hopefully other people can complain about my favorite articles instead of reading articles they actually like.
Sept. 20, 2011, 2:25 pm
Karl from Manhattan says:
Could the Brooklyn Paper maybe cover relevant things like Mike Altman??
Sept. 20, 2011, 5 pm
jack from hipsterville USA says:
swamp yankee: bklyn natives went extinct, silly! everyone knows that. if you can't stand the hipster takeover, move somewhere less hip and that can be your new brooklyn. hipsters have been the source of ruining everything cool since the caveman era! let it go.
Sept. 21, 2011, 1:04 pm
SwampYankee from ruined Brooklyn says:
not extinct! Still fighting the good fight. irrelevant trends have come and gone, you are just another and will be dumped in the dustbin of history like many before you, our DNA is stronger, you arms are like Mr. Salty's. Someday your kids will find pictures of you and you will look as relevant as someone sporting a mullet getting married in a powder-blue tux thinking it cool.
Sept. 21, 2011, 2:41 pm
Jackie from Williamsburg says:
These kickballers sum up everything that is wrong with Williamsburg. Stupid wanna-be transplants from places like Indiana and Ohio who think they can make it big in NYC and instead —— off and play children's games, waste their parents money on "start ups" and become arrogant selfish individuals that pollute Brooklyn.
Sept. 22, 2011, 1:15 pm
Priest “Deliverance” Fontaine from Pony Boys says:
As you can tell us hipsters are not that clever. When we are found out we just pretend to e the original poster. I know they call us "creative types", but we are really not. Like Yah!
Sept. 23, 2011, 8:07 am

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