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Brooklyn United stands tall in Week 2 action

The Brooklyn Paper
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A reworked powerhouse kickball squad is slowly coming together.

After a winless start, the new-look Brooklyn United team handed the frisky New Frontiersmen their first loss of the season and now sit at 2-2.

The United dismissed Salute Your Jorts, 11-2, and then contained the plaid players, 7-5, in an entertaining back-and-forth game, thwarting a key rally when “Luscious” Lexi Patterson nabbed a deep fly ball with her patented “boinga boinga” catch.

Last year, the United ended the season in first place with only a handful of losses, but did not survive the playoffs. The team shed parts of its roster — losing star kicker Eduardo Ortiz to the Marines while adding several Crucial Taunters — but they were expected to be in full rebuilding mode.

Team captain Justin “Thomas” Taylor says no one should expect the 2.0 version of his squad to lead the league in the standings, but he hopes to at least finish in the top eight.

“Once we start to gel, I am confident we will be the best team in the league,” said Taylor.

New Frontiersman captain Mike “Robert” Altman blamed the loss on fielding errors and heavy winds — not to mention the loss of Veronica “Marathon Woman” Velazquez, and that his team will pick it up in the coming weeks.

“All and all our offense has vastly improved, and I think we have a lot of strong weapons,” said Altman.

The United weren’t the only heralded mash-up team to get back to a .500 record.

Hot Mess, led by the esteemed kickball legend Randall “Tricky Dick” Mixon, posted two big wins on Sunday, frying up the Bacon Bits, 4-2, and subduing a new team, Natural Born Winners, by a 5-1 score.

And Saved By the Balls, a combination of the Mau Maus and Balls to the Wall, handed the Dolls Kicking Balls its first loss, 7-1, and followed it up with a win by grounding the Space Cadets, 4-2.

Captain Amanda “Screech” Donelan said that her team is “learning to love each other,” while Lindsey “General” Lee, a five-year kickball veteran, said that playing on the team is the most fun she’s had at kickball “in a long time.”

But not everyone is having fun.

The Pony Boys sputtered again this week, tying the Bacon Bits before pummeling the Jorts, 7-0, leading to frustration on the sidelines as its new teammates have yet to play together well.

One new stallion reportedly questioned whether leaving the champion John Cougar Mellencamps was the right decision.

And Dolls Kicking Balls lost its two games to Saved and the Kickey Mouse Club after starting the season 2-0.

Former captain Julia “Stripey Socks” Morrow, who was away for the first two weekends of the season, is hoping her return will give her team a much-needed spark.

“I’m very happy to be back,” said Morrow. “I missed my dolls. I haven’t played with them at all yet.”

Brooklyn Kickball at Gilroy Field in McCarren Park (Bedford Avenue at N. 13th Street in Greenpoint), Sundays, 5–11 pm.

Updated 5:24 pm, July 9, 2018
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