I do it to teach cyclists a lesson

for The Brooklyn Paper
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It’s plain and simple. Bikes are turning this once-beautiful neighborhood into a sewer and an eyesore. They’ve cluttered up the streets so bad, they’re becoming dangerous!

I know that I’m still in the old time of the neighborhood, and I’ll say that I never wanted to turn to Krazy Glue to solve the problem. But I have been arguing and pleading with the city for over 10 years to stop the bike problem in this neighborhood, and I blame our elected officials for making the problem worse.

First, I sent letters to [Borough President] Markowitz. But he put U-shaped bike racks all the way up and down Bedford Avenue — and more bikes came.

Then I called the police, who told me that most of the community wants the bikes. But these aren’t the Yuppies’ street signs and light poles — they’re the city’s poles! Our elected officials are assisting in crime, and they’re allowing bikes to stay illegally chained to bus stops and parking signs for weeks and months at a time.

Now there are so many unused bikes on the streets, it’s dangerous. The old folks can’t get around them in their wheelchairs, and people are tripping and banging up their car doors trying to get out in their legal parking spots. You bikers say you want fewer cars on the street? Park your bikes in the street, and pay a fee!

I am not anti-bike. I’m anti-illegal bike parking. In fact, I’ve put forward an idea for bike depots, which would be built in McCarren Park and along Kent Avenue and charge cyclists a $1 fee to park there. This would give a couple of retired folks a security job, keep the bikes safe, and create revenue for the city.

Plus, it would turn the city back to what it was: a beautiful, safe place to walk.

But nobody listened, and that’s why I did what I did. Nobody gave a damn, so I had to do it myself. And you know what? When I put the glue in the locks near my block, they sure didn’t come back!

The thing is, I care about my neighborhood. The appearance of Williamsburg has turned into a sewer, and people I’ve known for a long time are moving out because of these bikers. They’re educated, these Yuppies, but they got no respect for nobody.

The bikes don’t have to go away completely, but please, don’t chain them to the city’s poles. Bring them inside, or walk, just like everyone else.

The identity of the Krazy Glue crusader is being withheld by this newspaper because our reporters have not actually witnessed him committing a crime.

Updated 5:19 pm, July 9, 2018
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Reasonable discourse

Steve Nitwitt from Sheepshead Bay says:
Norm from Atlantic Yards Report wants to write that Ratner is the Krazy Glue crusader
Aug. 19, 2010, 11:54 pm
Mike from greenpoint says:
I So Agree
Aug. 20, 2010, 7:37 am
Zeke Pelfrey from Carroll Gardens says:
Please come to Carroll Gardens, the bikes are getting out of control here. They are being chained to everything in site. We must stop this before it takes hold here as it has in Williamsburg. Please come here and lead us in the crusade!!!! Carroll Gardens is the where we must draw the line, it's too ate for Williamsburg, it can't be saved. Oh the horror.

I wish we could use the National Guard to create a cordon around Williamsburg to prevent the hipsters from infecting the remaining neighborhoods.


Aug. 20, 2010, 7:54 am
Jabir ibn Hayyan from Park Slope says:
The obvious solution is to convert one or more parking spots per block from car to bike use. You could fit many bikes into a space occupied by a single car.

Would you support that solution, Bike Crusader?
Aug. 20, 2010, 8:11 am
Jon from Williamsburg says:
So in order to have less bikes chained to poles, you make it so that it's impossible to unchain them? Brilliant!
Aug. 20, 2010, 8:17 am
Jay from Carroll Gardens says:
Change a few words and it would sound like the excuse of a serial killer. "The young girls were just too pretty so I had to hack them up."
Aug. 20, 2010, 8:21 am
Anon from Carroll Gardens says:
"You bikers say you want fewer cars on the street? Park your bikes in the street, and pay a fee!"

Interesting that car parking is free, while people who want to park bikes should be expected to pay a fee.

I'm in agreement with the poster who said we should give up a few car parking spots for bike racks. You don't need a manned bike parking lot. And to keep abandoned bikes from piling up, just have the bike equivalent of alternate side--if the bike is parked on an alternate side day, it's "towed" by a city agency. You can get it back same way you get your towed car--go down to the lot and pay a fine. If it's left there for more than 30 days, the city owns it.

This isn't a hard problem to solve at all. You just treat bikes like cars, and give them dedicated spaces to park in the street.
Aug. 20, 2010, 8:39 am
dee from east new york, brooklyn says:
glad to live where i am. leave your damn bikes hanging around certain parts of east new york and you won't have it when you get back. you see, even though east new york is turning itself around, the mighty officials of this town don't care enough to put bike protection gear here. even the bike lanes look as if five year old children drew them. still, we can walk our sidewalks, young and old. oh, krazy klue man, you're lucky you weren't caught.
Aug. 20, 2010, 8:48 am
Bob from Fort Greene says:
I'm all in favor of bikes (have one myself). Just not locked to my front fence, sometimes for a week or more at a time. All from folks living or visiting next door. After asking them politely to lock their bikes to their own fence (with no results), I finally put up a sign saying anything attached to my fence would be removed at the owners' expense, and they could ransom their bikes by paying the locksmith's bills for removal. They got the message. But I agree that more designated public bike parking would solve a lot of problems.
Aug. 20, 2010, 8:55 am
Dot from Greenpoint says:
It's crazy with these bikes and their owners. There are laws and they don't follow them. They have no consideration for anyone else whatsoever. They put there bikes anywhere they want. When I was a kid I had to haul my bike up three flights of stairs to put it our apartment, there was no putting it on the street it was unheard of. And as a home owner if some one hurts themselves by any bike WHO DO YOU THINK THEY WILL SUE, not the biker but the home owner. I say haul your bike up to your apartment. I AM WITH THE CRAZY GLUE GUY FOR SURE.
Aug. 20, 2010, 9:15 am
liam from kensington says:
We are a nation of laws, not douchebags, and destroying someone else's private property should never be encouraged.

I ride a bicycle as part of my job - if a car cuts me off should I grab my Ulock and smash his windows? No!

Should I put sugar in the gastanks of livery cabs and access-a-ride vans for all their red-light blowing tendencies? No!

If I trip on a sidewalk an owner hasn't maintained do I throw a rock through his window? No!

I'm forced to lock my bike to signposts and meters because they streets are taken up by cars. Is that equitable? No, its' not, but a: it's not my fault there's no bike parking, and b: I don't go around damaging people's cars because I think life isn't fair. Grow up!
Aug. 20, 2010, 10:39 am
Dot from Greenpoint says:
Do you know that it is against the law to chain your bike to any City property ie., stop signs, parking signs, street lights, trees, yield signs??? There are fines you can receive. The bicyclists don't know any of the laws and you wonder why people become outraged. Haul your bike up to your apartment.
Aug. 20, 2010, 11:05 am
Rob from Greenpoint says:
I don't believe for one minute that people you've
known for a long time are moving out of the neighbor-
hood because of bikes. Smells like BS.
Aug. 20, 2010, 12:36 pm
Steve from Williamsburg says:
Some bikers are jerks and inconsiderate...but you can't go around damaging people's property as liam from kensington says. This is a city/police matter...if they won't help you then tough —— - you're out of luck. There are all sorts of things that I don't agree with when I look around the city - but you can't take the law into your own hands jack. Do you slash the tires of cars that seem to be parked illegally or that are in your way?? This is no different. You're a criminal, not a crusader - don't kid yourself.
Aug. 20, 2010, 12:41 pm
Dave from Park Slope says:
So all I have to do is break the law to get a column in the Brooklyn Paper? When do I start?
Aug. 20, 2010, 12:45 pm
Hank from Slope says:
"Nobody gave a damn, so I had to do it myself." (>)

This sounds like total loss of perspective plus obsessive-compulsive disorder.

"Self-help" via vandalism is ILLEGAL -- for a good reason.
Imagine if some nutcase decided that the neighborhood was "a sewer and an eyesore" due to unlicensed dogs, badly parked cars, or people who missed the trashcans -- and he decided on his own subjective "punishment."
Aug. 20, 2010, 1:23 pm
Hank from Slope says:
Jon from Williamsburg says: So in order to have less bikes chained to poles, you make it so that it's impossible to unchain them? Brilliant!
Yeah, ain't? It's like slashing tires to protest double- or longtime-illegally parked cars ... or protesting overflowing trashcans by locking them down so that Sanit can't empty them.
Aug. 20, 2010, 1:29 pm
Disgusted from Bushwick says:
I don't have a bike so but you are a complete f*ktard idiot and I truly hope someone catches you in the act and tears your arms off and glues them to your ass. You, 'sir' are a ridiculous excuse for a crusader. And this 'paper', what a sham. Enjoy your minor bump in page view revenue and your major spiral into the bowels of sham journalism.
Aug. 20, 2010, 2:23 pm
junec2 from Slope says:
". . . our reporters have not actually witnessed him committing a crime . . ."

Well then! I feel better knowing that ALL news reporting from your paper on ANY subject or happening has been ACTUALLY WITNESSED by your reporters. Whew! Thank you!
Aug. 20, 2010, 2:37 pm
cynical from flatbush says:
This all sounds about as real as that HPOA girl quitting her job, or the teen texting her dad that she lost her virginity. I'd like to hear some comments from people that this actually happened to. I know a couple of people that have had their car door locks glued also, but they didn't write a column about it. This smells like a hoax.
Aug. 20, 2010, 3:02 pm
Jane from BR says:
Let's face it: in NYC, the only thing left in the street overnight, chained or unchained, is something you don't care about keeping or maintaining to begin with. This shouldn't be an issue. Take care of your personal property and don't leave it in the streets like trash or pickings for thieves and troublemakers.
Aug. 21, 2010, 6:43 am
Donna from Greenpoint says:
More importantly, can't peope who choose to ride bikes ride them in the street and not on the SIDEWALK!!.. My dog and I have almost been mowed down multiple times by idiots riding super fast on the sidewalk. If you choose to get around by bicycle, use the street like you are supposed to!! Also, can the ones who do ride in the street follow the traffic lights like the cars do?!
Aug. 21, 2010, 9:57 am
CC from Greenpoint says:
I love the Krazy Glue bandit.....these bikes are ridicilous & rude. It's gotten to the point that I enjoy one falling......They have no consideration for anyone or anything! Good job, just don't get caught b/c they loving calling the men in blue.
Aug. 21, 2010, 6:55 pm
DS from Greenpoint says:
When bikersstart paying registration fees/insurance then they can talk. 90% of the bikers around here dont observe any laws while they ride thru the street - dont stop at stop signs/red lights and whats more annoying than seeing someone driving in the street and NOT even using the bike lane made for them?
Aug. 21, 2010, 7:53 pm
jimbo from Cobble Hill says:
If put to a vote I would vote to abolish the bike lanes, and let our two wheeled friends(?) take their chances with the traffic. They do like to ride fast so what better way for them to get their thrills than to jockey with the cars. Honk Honk!

But is will never be put to a vote. The city has deemed that bike lanes are good for all of us so shut up and take it. A bike lane on Prospect Park South, even though the park is right there with one already. Pedestrians, shut up and take it!
Aug. 22, 2010, 4:03 pm
Mike from GP says:
Dot from greenpoint: It is not illegal to chain your bike to sign posts.
Aug. 22, 2010, 11:43 pm
Absurd from Crown Heights says:
Someone should sue the Brooklyn Paper for providing cover for this lunatic. Would they provide this platform for a person gluing the locks of double parked cars? How about a person vandalizing a Williamsburg factory that is spewing chemicals into the atmosphere in violation of environmental laws? Doubtful. Many New Yorkers don't care about law and order: look at the small-town coddling of this maniac, the celebration of an UWS man head-butting a film production assistant, or even just the blind eye turned to multitudes of instances of police brutality. If this hatred and hypocrisy are part of preserving the "old" Brooklyn, then you can keep it. This whole charade is sickening, and the Brooklyn Paper ought to be deeply ashamed of itself. Turn this criminal in and start investigating some real news.
Aug. 23, 2010, 8:55 am
Ian Turner from Long Island City says:
The amount of attention the Brooklyn Paper is giving to this criminal is insane. What's next, scratchiti manifestos?
Aug. 23, 2010, 9:05 am
cyclist from park slope says:
I am astounded at all the comments that are like "Haul your bike up to your apartment." you realize that people are locking bikes up outside businesses, restaurants, shops, etc. because they are actually riding their bikes out from their apartment, right? what is the point of a bike (or car) if you only ever take it out from your apartment and straight back without ever stopping there?
Aug. 23, 2010, 12:22 pm
Anubis from Egypt says:
Your reporters have "not actually witnessed him committing a crime," and they have similarly not bothered to perform basic research on his statements.

It is NOT illegal to chain bicycles to street signs, parking meters, and street lights. Therefore, these city-owned appurtenances serve as de facto bicycle parking.

It IS illegal to chain bicycles to trees, subway structures, and private property.
Aug. 23, 2010, 12:43 pm
Jocelyn from Williamsburg says:
Seriously Bike Crusader, get a life. Find a hobby. Do something with your life. The only nuisance in the neighborhood appears to be you.
Aug. 23, 2010, 2:51 pm
NYC Kid from NYC says:
"Bike Crusader" needs to explain exactly how the proliferation of bicycles in Brooklyn is making the city an "eyesore". I would guess that more people cycling rather than using private motor vehicles that pollute the air, make noise and clog the streets (not to mention are potentially dangerous to those old people you care about so much) would actually be an improvement. I love how all you "old New Yorkers" from Brooklyn love to blame "the yuppies" for everything. If it weren't for affluent, well-educated young people moving into these neighborhoods, they would remain the crime-infested models of urban decay they were before. I myself am a native New Yorker (from Manhattan) and I'm thrilled that so many people from around the country are moving to my hometown to live and work and use sustainable methods of transportation that don't pollute the air or require paying money to the corrupt and incompetent MTA. Bike Crusader is nothing more than a criminal running around vandalizing people's property and this newspaper (I use the term loosely) should be ashamed that it is giving him a platform to revel in his criminal behavior.
Aug. 23, 2010, 4:52 pm
Dana from Manhattan says:
Take a clue from Amsterdam. Bikes there is the primary way to get around and city had found a good way to handle parking and bike traffic. I agree with the "bike crusader" that is it a huge problem for the city, but bikes are also the greenest way of "powered" transport, so it's also in the city's best interest to promote their use. Officials are responsible to make it a safe environment for riding bikes, as well as storing them.

I don't particularly agree with "vigilante" approach, however, wouldn't mind having a few of them around my neighborhood.
Aug. 23, 2010, 5:06 pm
Mark M from . says:
Isn't there more important things in the world, hell, even in NYC, that need to be tackled before this tiny small inconvenience..

Weirdo... that's all I can say..
Aug. 23, 2010, 5:20 pm
mike from fort greene says:
Agree with above. Get a life...or go kill yourself

If he hates Wberg now, its only getting worse

The laws are uninforced because the city doesn't have enough racks around. —— to the city, not the bikers. If you are pissed that there are so many bikers, move to Queens or Jersey
Aug. 23, 2010, 5:59 pm
Foot Soldier from Williamsburg says:
Stop seeing bicyclists.
Aug. 23, 2010, 6:46 pm
DRD from brooklyn heights says:
You should hope that when you're caught, it's by the police and not by the owner of one of the bikes you're vandalizing. If it's the latter, I suspect it's not going to go well for you.
Aug. 23, 2010, 6:54 pm
Jay from Greenpoint says:
Bring the U Lock justice! Don't glue bikes, bro. :-)
Aug. 23, 2010, 11:25 pm
Mark from Brooklyn says:
——. That's called vandalism. I hope you get what's coming to you.
Aug. 24, 2010, 2:11 am
tony from greenpoint says:
Worst. Fakeass Newspaper. Ever.
Aug. 24, 2010, 8:13 am
Sean from Midtown says:
"Park your bikes in the street, and pay a fee!"

Glad to... but how? And where? Lying in the road, locked to nothing?

Your passion could be a great force to rally for more legal bike parking; blame the city for the parking shortage, not the folks who have no place to put their bikes.
Aug. 24, 2010, 12:27 pm
Zach from Queens says:
send the nerdy fixed-gear jocks to the gas chamber!!
Aug. 25, 2010, 2:42 pm
HomeOwner from Williamsburg says:
I do not understand why anyone who moves into a "neighborhood" thinks that they have a right to do what ever they please. In the past, my area was a true neighborhood, where everyone knew each other's face and was respectful of their neighbor's property and well being. My old "blue collar-inter city" upbringing, taught me to follow the law and be a respectful and responsible person. It is quite obvious that this new breed of people, feel that chaining there bicycles to someone's home and trees is quite acceptable. I have never owned a car and always brought my bicycle into my home. I agree that all bicycles should pay for registration fees & insurance and that would answer all the illegally chained and abandoned bicycles. It seems that whenever a positive new concept occurs, negative disrespectful people ruin it. Oh, one more thing, my neighbors that are trying their best to maintain their property are calling the police and charging anyone who chains their bicycles to their homes with trespassing. The police have come several times to my next door neighbors house and when the cyclists admit that it is their bike, the police must arrest them for trespassing and if the cyclists denies that they own the bike, the police allow the homeowner to cut the chain and do whatever they what to the bike. So, the next time you chain your bicyle to someone's home think with respect first.
Aug. 26, 2010, 9:29 am
Old School from Williamsburg says:
I love the crazy glue idea........everyone who sees an illegally chained bicycle should do it. Let's get together and get our streets back........because if you don't do something it will just get worse. How would you like it if someone parked their car in your mother's drive way or better yet.....their front lawn or chained their bike to a tree on your father's block. Our streets our front lawns! Awake up everyone and try "Monster Glue" :-)
Aug. 26, 2010, 9:45 am
Nathan from Flatlands says:
Dude, gluing them to the poles only exacerbates the problem, because after a 'gluing' the errant bicyclists have to work ten times as hard to remove their bicycles from the illegal poles the bike hoodlum is so adamant about.
Aug. 26, 2010, 12:18 pm
Quinn from Queens says:
To Zach from Queens

The NERDY fixed-gear JOCKS? Just makes me laugh at how oxymoronic that phrase came out.
Aug. 26, 2010, 4:54 pm

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