Catch Uzimon — a reggae legend in his own smoke-filled mind

The Brooklyn Paper
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Uzimon, Bermuda’s most-ignorant reggae superstar, is coming to Brooklyn to fire the opening salvo in what he calls a nationwide “reggaeluti­on.”

When The Brooklyn Paper caught up with the Quixotic Uzimon, who will perform on Friday night with his compadres, the Compassionate Gunmen, the singer said he was on the lam due after a marijuana possession summons.

“Me can’t tell you where I am,” Uzimon said in a thick Jamaican accent. “Because then the police will found out I am at de Motel 6 looking at Mount Rushmore.”

Obviously, Uzimon is somewhat delusional.

Nevertheless, the bearded buffoon will be taking the stage tomorrow and then blasting the audience with his lyrics, which include the songs “Nasty Foot Gal,” “Fertility Clinic,” and “Steven Seagal” (one of Uzi’s idols).

“My lyrics are deadly, my lyrics literally become bullets. So I am a deadly weapon,” Uzimon said.

Uzi added that his mastery of reggae was achieved totally on his own, without the aid or inspiration of anyone.

“Like any other child, my parents raised me until me was 5 years-old, and then abandoned me and left me in the care of my nanny,” Uzi recalled. “She brought me to Jamaica, where I was very influenced by the music I would make. Sometimes I would tap on the wall and then I would sing — that influenced me to become a great artist.”

But no matter how great he thinks he is, very few people have heard of him — for now. Uzimon plans to hijack the Brooklyn music scene beginning this Friday with what he calls the first ever reggae dancehall musical.

“We will be infiltrating Brooklyn via the Gowanus Canal,” said the apparently uninformed singer. “Then we will mash up the dance and kill the audience, crisply, gently.”

“The Uzical” at Galapagos Art Space [16 Main St. between Water and Plymouth streets in DUMBO, (718) 222-8500] on Friday, April 16 at 10 pm. Tickets $15.

Updated 5:17 pm, July 9, 2018
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Reasonable discourse

Grenade from Warwick says:
UZI's track Steven Seagal is insane!
April 15, 2010, 9:11 pm
Colt45 from Bermy Town says:
Padapapapapapingpingpingping! Uzi selloff!
April 16, 2010, 2:03 pm
Weatherman from London says:
Long live Uzimon! The Reggaelution is worldwide! *AIRHORN*
April 16, 2010, 6:40 pm

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