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Pants on fire

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Crotch stash

A perp tried to steal $150 worth of soap and shampoo from a Ninth Street store by shoving the products down his pants on March 30.

Security guards at the store, which is between Fifth and Sixth avenues, noticed the suspiciously well-endowed shopper and stopped him at the door.

The perp began fighting with the guards, injuring one so badly that he was sent to the hospital.

Officer Jerry Galante arrived and slapped cuffs on the unruly roughhouser.

Retail ride

Two thieves lifted $1,5574 worth of clothing from Ride Brooklyn — and were caught on tape doing it on April 3.

The store owner told cops that two perps entered the bike store, which is on Bergen Street between Flatbush and Fifth avenues, at around 5 pm and got away with the load of clothes.

Unfair trade

A thug broke in through a back window of Cafe 474 and ordered $450 instead of a cup of coffee on April 3.

The worker at the Fourth Avenue coffee shop told cops that she knew the perp wasn’t seeking a caffeine fix when he entered at around 10:45 am. Rather, he just grabbed the cash and fled from the cafe, which is between 10th and 11th streets.

Nighttime nab

A perp broke into Sunshine Golden Store in the middle of the night on April 2 and got away with $430 worth of goods.

The shop owner told cops that she got to her store, which is on Ninth Street between Fourth and Fifth avenues, at around 11 am to find that the door was locked and everything looked normal.

But upon further inspection, she realized that the items were missing.

Daylight debacle

An acrobatic offender broke into an apartment on 15th Street by scaling a wall in broad daylight and stole nearly $5,000 worth of electronics on March 30.

A neighbor told cops that she heard noises coming from the apartment, which is between Third and Fourth avenues, but didn’t think to call the cops.

The resident returned at around 7:30 pm to find the valuables missing.

Artful attack

A crafty criminal stole a wallet from out of victim’s backpack from a 13th Street Art Studio on March 20 and got away with almost $950 and credit cards.

The victim told cops that the perp must have gotten to her bag while she was concentrating on her work at the studio, which is between Second and Third avenues. She noticed the wallet was missing when she left at around 1:30 pm.

— Claire Glass

Updated 5:17 pm, July 9, 2018
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