NOT FOR NUTHIN’ - My kingdom for a set of keys

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My husband always means well. Unfortunately, his road to good intentions is always accompanied by pot holes and avalanches. So why is it that when I say yes, I know that I should say no? New Year’s Eve day, my husband jumped out of bed ready, willing and able to drive me where ever I needed to go. He said, as he looked outside and saw the snow covering the lawn, “I will be your chauffeur. The weather is awful, it’s snowing like crazy and I don’t want you to drive in this.” I agreed.

With list in hand, and the usual “I don’t know about this” in the pit of my stomach, there we went, leaving the warmth and comfort of home into the swirling snow.

First he would drop me at the supermarket, then we would go to pick up the balloons and finally to the liquor store to purchase champagne.

As he left me off in front of the supermarket, he waved goodbye and said he was going for a cup of coffee and would be right outside when I finished. Up and down the aisles I went in search of the last few items on my list. The shop took less time than I imagined but still about an hour. Quicker than snow falls, I was at the check out counter and ready to leave.

Pushing the full grocery wagon, and fully expecting my husband to be outside patiently waiting, I braved the auto doors and stepped out into a blustery winter maelstrom. Where was my “chauffeur?” He was not there, in fact, he was nowhere. Where could he be? It does not take that long to get a cup of coffee. Could he have been in an accident? Could the car have broken down? All these questions swirled inside my head as the snow swirled outside. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and waited about 15 minutes before my blood pressure began to boil. In desperation, I left the security of the overhang and walked into the parking lot looking all around for any sign of him.

Lo and behold, there he was, or the car at least, parked in front of Kmart about 100 yards away. Dragging a full wagon of groceries in the snow, I trudged over to the car only to find it locked and alone.

As I waited some more, and cursed the fact that I didn’t have a second set of keys, my “ “chauffeur” emerged from the store with purchases in tow.

As he walked over to the car with a big smile on his face, I let him have it with both barrels, “Why would you leave me and take off to the Kmart when I specifically asked you not to go? I said. He looked at me as if I spoke another language and very calmly opened the hatch and loaded his items. Soaking wet, very cold, very annoyed, and in the car I continued to rant and rave. All the while he is looking at me in disbelief. “Why are you getting so excited?” he asked sweetly. “I parked the car where you could see it,” he explained.

At that moment I thanked God that there were rules about firearms.

Not for nuthin’, but my number one resolution for 2009 is to get an extra set of keys for the car.

E-mail “Not for Nuthin’” at All letters become the property of Courier-Life Publications and are subject to publication unless otherwise specified; please include your name, address and daytime telephone number for verification

Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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