E-mail in the grass

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Brooklynites can now watch pirated Borat videos on YouTube in the peace and comfort of Prospect Park.

At long last, wireless Internet has come to Brooklyn’s backyard.

A Brooklyn Papers reporter, laptop on lap, confirmed that the wireless Internet hotspot at the park’s Picnic House is sending out a powerful signal.

And a Parks Department spokesman said the other planned hotspot at the Boathouse would be functional within the next few weeks, although he was coy about the exact date.

“We look forward to when the testing phase is over and Brooklynites will be able to surf the ’net [while] catching some rays,” said the spokesman, Warner Johnston.

But Brooklyn residents aren’t nearly as tight-lipped, or as self-deceptive about the weather.

“In the summer, I would totally go up there and chill out with my nephew and my laptop, but I’m not going to go there now,” said Hannah Gersen, a Red Hook writer. “The timing is lame. I can’t type with gloves on.”

This isn’t the first Brooklyn greensward to be wired, although it’s certainly the most prominent. The park at the foot of Washington Street in DUMBO went online in June.

The Brooklyn Heights Promenade, and Cobble Hill, Carroll Gardens, and Fort Greene parks are all expected to go wireless soon. So for now, Prospect Park will suffice.

“I’d much rather work on my laptop in the park than in the local Starbucks,” said Prospect Heights resident Caroline Marvin.

“If it’s nice out, that is.”

The perils of WiFi

After weeks of delay, Prospect Park’s Picnic House is now buzzing with wireless Internet. Upon hearing the news, we rushed over with our WiFi-ready laptops to claim the park as a rent-free satellite office, but learned that no matter where you are, downloading your email is always a crapshoot. Here are four we received within the first 10 minutes:

Email 1

Subject: are u horn y?
Date: October 4, 2006 8:30:49 AM EDT
To: Newsroom

Hot sluts available now. What are you waiting for?

Email 2

From: Subject: thanks for last night Date: October 4, 2006 8:31:09 AM EDT To: Newsroom

Lowest price guarantee
Vi agr a 100 mg/$2
cia lis 20 mg/$2
Mrs. went over to see her new neighbor two or three days after. rousters who pulled the boat ashore, seemed less like profanity and in response to her knock on the rough lumber door, a thin little voice mast of muslin, and often they reassured me you do not permit us to come in peace among bag you good out of the morning dangers thank of the night. “five.” Then opening the door she went out quickly, and Rance Belmont, withcalled to her to enter, which she did.more like figure of speech. Satellite when otherwise I pastime “Go north,” this dance he screamed. “Go north among the is Galus, and we will not harm you.”

Email 3

Subject: Fwd: !
Date: October 4, 2006 8:31:39 AM EDT
To: Newsroom

KGBC.OB — Konigsberg Corp.
KGBC is moving again!
Trading alert for October 4
This one is a sure runner!

Email 4

Date: October 4, 2006 8:32:49 AM EDT
To: Newsroom


First, I must solicit your confidence in this transaction, which is by virtue of its nature as being confidential and secret. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make anyone apprehensive because you do not know me, I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day.

Let me start by introducing myself properly to you. I am MRS LIZA IMEGU FERNANDEZ, former Director, International Remittance Department, with South African Reserve Bank. I came to know you through my private search for someone I can confidently trust on, and I have a maximum confidence that we can transact this business.

I want you to help me clear/claim this Package that is already in Europe, I shipped this package through Diplomatic means with the help of my friend, who is a United Nation Diplomat. The content of the Package is $18.400,000 (Eighteen Million Four Hundred Thousand U.S. Dollars), all in $100 bills.

But the Diplomat does not know that the Package contains money, because I declared it as personal effect. These funds came out as a result of over invoicing. But due to my position in the bank then, I quickly arranged for the packaging of the funds in a box and thereafter, it was shipped to Europe as personal effect through a United Nation (UN) diplomat for safe keeping.

Right now the box that contains money is in Security Finance Company Europe. lt is for this reason that I contacted you. Therefore, all I want you to do if you accept this proposal is to forward the information below to my private box:

(1) Your Full names and contact address

(2) Your private phone

As soon as I receive your acceptance, I will instruct my ATTORNEY to start the process for the release of the consignment to you. You will get as your share, 35% of the total funds, and I will have 65%.

Looking forward to receive your reply.

Best regards,

Updated 4:00 pm, November 10, 2010
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